SPIKED ONLINE — Mar 28 — Love is recast as something to be planned and managed and might not last forever and moving on is no bad thing. Internet dating indicates some wider social trends. Underpinning the discussions about love today is a powerful streak of bad faith. Internet dating appears like the safer, more controlled option, avoiding the risk and unpredictability of face-to-face encounters. In The Normal Chaos of Love, first published in German in 1990, sociologists examine the new nature of love… The solidity of marriage and family has dissolved. There's greater potential for chaos. Women are no longer dependent upon men and demand more. Men, stripped of the traditional breadwinner role, are less certain of their identity and more prone to questioning their role. Intimate relationships thus become fraught and temporary and the child becomes the last remaining, irrevocable, unique primary love object. Partners come or go, but the child stays. People want more. Sociologist Zygmunt Bauman (author of Liquid Love) and writer/broadcaster Kenan Malik said (in 2003)…Bauman: On the one hand there's the need for relationships because 'I must have some support, I can't be alone…on the other hand, the fear that once I get it, that I am finished. My freedom is over.' Malik: 'The same social changes that are leading to the singleton society are creating a yearning for durable relationships.' From the explosion in online dating to the proliferation of popular novels and TV shows dealing with the plight of the 30-something singleton, there seems little doubt that we do live in a more atomised, lonely society.
The full article was originally published at Spiked Online, but is no longer available.
Mark Brooks: Online dating brings freedom and hope, greater selection and immediacy. Slick ads and magazine covers of gorgeous girls and ab-ripped guys have helped raise expectations to a crescendo that no-one can deliver on, including dating sites. eHarmony has tried to redress this expectation balance by slowing the online dating process and 'discouraging' photos. It's a profitable path for them, but the core problem remains. Expectations are at giddy heights. Your comments please…
That essay says:
“Theories of intimate relationships in the modern world view passionate love as a problem to be managed.”
– It is needed to take into account that temporal patterns of relationship variables: combination of physique, personality, intelligence, social background, attitudes, habits and leisure preferences may indeed play a significant role between mates / prospective mates!
* Early stage of temporal patterns: a combination of high level of infatuation, fantasy, passion, physical attraction between prospective mates.
* Middle stage of temporal patterns: a considerable degree of similarity on social background, attitudes, habits and leisure preferences between mates.
* Last stage of temporal patterns: if only high level on personality similarity between mates / couples could be the core of relationship stability and satisfaction!!!
……………………………………………………….
The essay also says:
“Love versus Freedom?
Romance versus Realism?
Pure_Relationships’ versus Real_Life
……
the reluctance to ‘settle down’ with one partner for fear that a better option might come along;
the fear that ‘loving too much’ represents a risk too far;
the idea that love is good as long as it is ‘good for you’, but bad when its obligations encroach upon your own desires and sense of self;
all these trends are played out in the modern relationship, and contribute to its weakening.
……..”
– The Online Dating Industry and Dating Sites manage huge databases, they URGENTLY need more power calculation and more precise/reliable matching techniques, like: “here you have a list of 48 persons most compatible in a 10 million database’s prospects”.
Kindest Regards,
Fernando Ardenghi.
Buenos Aires.
Argentina.
ardenghifer@gmail.com
This essay strikes me as nothing more than a long-winded way of saying, “I’m afraid I won’t measure up to potential mates’ higher expectations.” At its most basic level, online dating is just a new way of introducing yourself to people – what you do with it after the introduction isn’t changed. That’s too simplistic, because I agree that online dating has given people they can find the kind of person they want, rather than settle for the person they’ve found. Indeed, that’s why it’s valuable! Rather than draining passion from relationships, I think getting what you really want adds it.