- No ‘eHarmony’ for gays, by C. Seely, Southern Voice, Dec. 19, 2003
The matchmaking site doesn’t allow same-sex couplings because some members could be “turned off” by references to “MSM [men seeking men]” or “WSW” on the site, according to Dr. Steve Carter, director of research and product development. “A lot of the core audience for the service are the Christian religious conservatives who would be turned off.” The “phenomenon” of gay singles who want to find long-lasting relationships through the site is “relatively recent” since the site’s inception in 2000, Carter said. - Love Machines, by Jennifer Hahn, LA CityBeat, Feb. 23, 2005
… Marylyn Warren denies that eHarmony’s exclusion of gays and lesbians has anything to do with its founder’s religious principles. “We just don’t want to be involved in something we don’t know anything about. Our goal is to create good heterosexual families, I guess.” - eHarmony: Heart and soul, by J. Kornblum, USA Today, May 18, 2005
Warren says eHarmony promotes heterosexual marriage, about which he has done extensive research. He says he does not know enough about gay and lesbian relationships to do same-sex matching. It “calls for some very careful thinking. Very careful research.” He adds that same-sex marriage is illegal in most states. “We don’t really want to participate in something that’s illegal.” - My date with Mr. eHarmony, by R. Traister, SALON, June 10, 2005
“First, we’re into marriage,” Warren said, pointing out that gay unions remain illegal in almost every state. “Where Focus on the Family and a lot of these other places come from is that there are six places in the Bible that say homosexuality is wrong,” he said. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. But then he continued: “On the other hand, in the Old Testament if you work on the Sabbath day and you’re guilty then you should be shot.” I was surprised to hear him play out his internal debate so openly. Warren brought up his best friend’s daughter, a lesbian who has two children with her partner. “She’s a dear person to us, and a very strong spiritual person,” he said. “And when I start seeing things like that, I think we’ve got to start to think about that maybe this can work.”
The full article was originally published at eHarmony blog, but is no longer available.
It sounds to me like a lot of excuses for very thinly disguised homophobia. I’m aware of the eHarmony matching process and the questions it entails and I fail to see how most of these questions couldn’t apply to same-sex relationships. To say that same-sex relationships are so different from hetero relationships that you would need to resort to completely new research is in itself extremely phobic. Surely many of the factors are the same.
It sounds to me like a lot of excuses for very thinly disguised homophobia. I’m aware of the eHarmony matching process and the questions it entails and I fail to see how most of these questions couldn’t apply to same-sex relationships. To say that same-sex relationships are so different from hetero relationships that you would need to resort to completely new research is in itself extremely phobic. Surely many of the factors are the same.
Partially because of the discriminating policy of eHarmony and other such dating services that are considered “relationship” sites, I founded myPartnerPerfect. For far too long the industry has neglected the gay community and their pursuit for life-partners. Instead, the dating service industry has been flooded with gay sites that only promote hook-ups and sexual encounters. I don’t object to the other sites and services, but at myPartnerPerfect we are offering a different type of gay dating experience that is more synonymous with the quality of relationship based sites such as eHarmony.
We do have a compatibility system that was developed specifically with the gay lifestyle in mind, but we also let our users search the database for what’s most important to them, not just what our “system” says should be important. Many factors that influence whether or not a relationship can withstand the sands of time are the same for LGBT people, but there are also many different elements that come into play for a gay relationship that are not there for a heterosexual relationship (i.e. outness to family/friends/colleagues, specific lifestyle choices, sexuality issues, etc.)
One thing that this anti-eHarmony campaign has brought to light is that many online daters have had bad experiences; but I also know many (gay and straight) who have found their perfect match. I recommend finding a site that represents the community you are a part of, or a site that reflects your unique interests. You will have the most success that way. But keep in mind, even though Chemistry.com is ‘matches people based on chemistry’, all any online site can do is present you with the potential matches that you are most likely to be compatible with, the rest of it (including whether or not there is chemistry) is up to you!
Best to all of you…
Patrick
Partially because of the discriminating policy of eHarmony and other such dating services that are considered “relationship” sites, I founded myPartnerPerfect. For far too long the industry has neglected the gay community and their pursuit for life-partners. Instead, the dating service industry has been flooded with gay sites that only promote hook-ups and sexual encounters. I don’t object to the other sites and services, but at myPartnerPerfect we are offering a different type of gay dating experience that is more synonymous with the quality of relationship based sites such as eHarmony.
We do have a compatibility system that was developed specifically with the gay lifestyle in mind, but we also let our users search the database for what’s most important to them, not just what our “system” says should be important. Many factors that influence whether or not a relationship can withstand the sands of time are the same for LGBT people, but there are also many different elements that come into play for a gay relationship that are not there for a heterosexual relationship (i.e. outness to family/friends/colleagues, specific lifestyle choices, sexuality issues, etc.)
One thing that this anti-eHarmony campaign has brought to light is that many online daters have had bad experiences; but I also know many (gay and straight) who have found their perfect match. I recommend finding a site that represents the community you are a part of, or a site that reflects your unique interests. You will have the most success that way. But keep in mind, even though Chemistry.com is ‘matches people based on chemistry’, all any online site can do is present you with the potential matches that you are most likely to be compatible with, the rest of it (including whether or not there is chemistry) is up to you!
Best to all of you…
Patrick