OPW — Aug 15 — We love comments. Here’s the courtesy rules for commenting. Online
Personals Watch is for those in the internet dating business community. As a
courtesy to interviewees, derogatory comments are deleted from interview threads.
Feel free to posted elsewhere on the site, but anonymous comments and comments
clearly hawking products/services may also be deleted, I should note. If your
comment adds to the professional and courteous discussion of the business of
internet dating, it adds something to the community and will not be deleted. Please
keep your comments professional and courteous, with constructive criticism.
Thanks for your consideration. Does this sound fair? – Mark Brooks
Hi Mark
Yes it does seem fair as all comments should be professional and add something to the debate.
My comment is more about the fact that over the past 6-9 months your own comment which used to be much more industry focused and unbiased now seems (to me at least) to be increasingly pushing and plugging the sponsors and clients of Courtland Brooks.
Yes you have a job to do here as they are your clients and your disclaimers (when used) offset this a bit… but if the site becomes too much of a promotional mouthpiece for the companies you / Courtland Brooks represent, and you allow them to comment and plug their own products, your own respected views in relation to dating industry events will end up losing their credibility.
This is a great industry resource and for it to remain so it needs to retain its unbiased viewpoint.
Am I alone in this view? Perhaps others would like to comment…professionally and courteously of course!
Matthew Pitt
Digital Director
Telecom Express
Hi Mark
Yes it does seem fair as all comments should be professional and add something to the debate.
My comment is more about the fact that over the past 6-9 months your own comment which used to be much more industry focused and unbiased now seems (to me at least) to be increasingly pushing and plugging the sponsors and clients of Courtland Brooks.
Yes you have a job to do here as they are your clients and your disclaimers (when used) offset this a bit… but if the site becomes too much of a promotional mouthpiece for the companies you / Courtland Brooks represent, and you allow them to comment and plug their own products, your own respected views in relation to dating industry events will end up losing their credibility.
This is a great industry resource and for it to remain so it needs to retain its unbiased viewpoint.
Am I alone in this view? Perhaps others would like to comment…professionally and courteously of course!
Matthew Pitt
Digital Director
Telecom Express
Regarding Jonathan Crutchley’s contribution to Presidential Candidate McCain:
Undoubtedly there are those who disagree with Mr. Crutchley’s candidate of his choice. Social injustices aside, his political leanings seem juxtaposed to those of the 1,000,000 + members of the gay community purportedly using his site. Claims of self-deprecation and other theories of how such a counterintuitive action could be justified will certainly raise eyebrows amidst whatever media coverage makes it way to the mainstream. While I won’t go so far as to offer any apologizes or another person’s deeds, I’d caution people to bear in mind that Mr. Crutchley has at the very least participated in a process that many do not. Certainly, his actions have dumbfounded many. However, this should remind all of us of the importance of our own participation in the political process; perhaps even motivate a particularly complacent demographic who might just need a touch of provocation to make sure the better candidate wins. Seemingly foolish men are seldom such.
VOTE.
Regarding Jonathan Crutchley’s contribution to Presidential Candidate McCain:
Undoubtedly there are those who disagree with Mr. Crutchley’s candidate of his choice. Social injustices aside, his political leanings seem juxtaposed to those of the 1,000,000 + members of the gay community purportedly using his site. Claims of self-deprecation and other theories of how such a counterintuitive action could be justified will certainly raise eyebrows amidst whatever media coverage makes it way to the mainstream. While I won’t go so far as to offer any apologizes or another person’s deeds, I’d caution people to bear in mind that Mr. Crutchley has at the very least participated in a process that many do not. Certainly, his actions have dumbfounded many. However, this should remind all of us of the importance of our own participation in the political process; perhaps even motivate a particularly complacent demographic who might just need a touch of provocation to make sure the better candidate wins. Seemingly foolish men are seldom such.
VOTE.
This site is an amazing resource. As long as you continue to clearly define your business relationships, I will continue to read it daily.
This site is an amazing resource. As long as you continue to clearly define your business relationships, I will continue to read it daily.
Hi Mark—
I had a long talk with Eric, the creator of Scientific Match several months back. He’s a very decent and bright guy in a tough business.
Here’s a sampling of my thoughts:
1. Attraction is but one factor in lasting love and it is the easiest to identify. It’s like porn, hard to define, but you know it when you see it.
2. It is maintaining attraction that is the big issue. Regardless of the intensity of the attraction, it will turn into boredom or brutal resentment over time if the elements are not in the match for maintaining the relationship.
3. Maintaining attraction requires being empathy skilled (especially important for men) and being radically open—creating an atmosphere of emotional safety where just about anything is discussed.
4. For men, there is a degree of vulnerability that they need to display—this is something most men shun like kryptonite. For women, they need to stay physically attractive, keep up the flirt and put effort into keeping sex sexy. Men are natural varietists. Women need to take the lead in creating sexual variety. Of course, men need to contribute to that effort as well.
5. A very important element, one missing in most relationships (and most relationships fail!) is dealing effectively with differences. We’re talking conflict resolution skills. In fact, it is precisely those couples who have intense attraction that also approach their differences with intensity. So, attraction is a mere start; it is a NOT a promise for lasting love.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg. My point is that in the complexity of matching Eric has put a lot of effort into a tiny factor; tiny because it is the obvious factor. The test of a test is uncovering the less obvious factors—factors that go way beyond attraction and tap into elements that contribute to a love lasting over the years. Eric’s test is too much squeeze and not enough juice.
My cred in making these claims? I am a practicing clinical psychologist specializing in love and sex exclusively for 30 years. I am the author of 19 books on love and sex. I am board certified in couple therapy and have been awarded “Outstanding Couple Therapist” by a professional organization I don’t even belong to—based on reputation.
A sampling of the books I have written that document the issues described above include Naked Intimacy (McGraw-Hill), The Marriage-Work Connection (Kensington) and The Art of the Quickie: Fast Sex, Fast Orgasm/Anywhere, Anytime (Quiver). My forthcoming book that also discusses and reports the research on these issues is The Real Reasons Men Commit: Why He Will—or Won’t–Love, Honor and Marry You (Adams Media)
Full disclosure: I am the creator of a compatibility test: http://www.ButterfliesAgain.com that I believe leads to lasting love and I welcome dialogue.
Joel Block, Ph.D. (631) 423-2388
Hi Mark—
I had a long talk with Eric, the creator of Scientific Match several months back. He’s a very decent and bright guy in a tough business.
Here’s a sampling of my thoughts:
1. Attraction is but one factor in lasting love and it is the easiest to identify. It’s like porn, hard to define, but you know it when you see it.
2. It is maintaining attraction that is the big issue. Regardless of the intensity of the attraction, it will turn into boredom or brutal resentment over time if the elements are not in the match for maintaining the relationship.
3. Maintaining attraction requires being empathy skilled (especially important for men) and being radically open—creating an atmosphere of emotional safety where just about anything is discussed.
4. For men, there is a degree of vulnerability that they need to display—this is something most men shun like kryptonite. For women, they need to stay physically attractive, keep up the flirt and put effort into keeping sex sexy. Men are natural varietists. Women need to take the lead in creating sexual variety. Of course, men need to contribute to that effort as well.
5. A very important element, one missing in most relationships (and most relationships fail!) is dealing effectively with differences. We’re talking conflict resolution skills. In fact, it is precisely those couples who have intense attraction that also approach their differences with intensity. So, attraction is a mere start; it is a NOT a promise for lasting love.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg. My point is that in the complexity of matching Eric has put a lot of effort into a tiny factor; tiny because it is the obvious factor. The test of a test is uncovering the less obvious factors—factors that go way beyond attraction and tap into elements that contribute to a love lasting over the years. Eric’s test is too much squeeze and not enough juice.
My cred in making these claims? I am a practicing clinical psychologist specializing in love and sex exclusively for 30 years. I am the author of 19 books on love and sex. I am board certified in couple therapy and have been awarded “Outstanding Couple Therapist” by a professional organization I don’t even belong to—based on reputation.
A sampling of the books I have written that document the issues described above include Naked Intimacy (McGraw-Hill), The Marriage-Work Connection (Kensington) and The Art of the Quickie: Fast Sex, Fast Orgasm/Anywhere, Anytime (Quiver). My forthcoming book that also discusses and reports the research on these issues is The Real Reasons Men Commit: Why He Will—or Won’t–Love, Honor and Marry You (Adams Media)
Full disclosure: I am the creator of a compatibility test: http://www.ButterfliesAgain.com that I believe leads to lasting love and I welcome dialogue.
Joel Block, Ph.D. (631) 423-2388
Absolutely. See the site sponsors side bar, to see who is supporting OPW. I’ll also make you aware of who I’m working with by adding a disclosure box in posts in which I comment. Please let me know if I should be doing more in the way of disclosure and what you’d like to see.
I should note, I’m the final step in the news review process these days. Petra sources the news, Irena summarizes it, and I do the final review. I think that helps, also 😉
Absolutely. See the site sponsors side bar, to see who is supporting OPW. I’ll also make you aware of who I’m working with by adding a disclosure box in posts in which I comment. Please let me know if I should be doing more in the way of disclosure and what you’d like to see.
I should note, I’m the final step in the news review process these days. Petra sources the news, Irena summarizes it, and I do the final review. I think that helps, also 😉