CTV.CA – Nov 14 - Cheating can lead to an improved relationship, says Noel
Biderman, the founder of AshleyMadison.com, a dating site that boasts
the tagline, "Life is Short. Have an Affair." Ashley Madison has grown
rapidly in the last seven years, to ~4M users, and now Biderman has
written a book "Cheaters Prosper: How Infidelity Will Save the Modern
Marriage." "If you look at the culture in France, or in Japan,
infidelity rates are extremely high there, yet divorce rates are
extremely low", said Biderman. Dr. Carole Lieberman, a psychiatrist
and author of "Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them and
When to Leave Them", disagrees that cheating strengthens
relationships. Cheating "can make a dull marriage more exciting but in
the end, most marriages suffer terribly from cheating and ultimately
break apart because of the loss of respect and trust", she said. FULL ARTICLE @ CTV.CA
See all posts on AshleyMadison
I strongly agree with Dr. Carole Lieberman who says “in the long run, infidelity causes more marriages to break apart than stay together.”
When Mr. Biderman says: “If you look at the culture in France, or in Japan, infidelity rates are extremely high there, yet divorce rates are extremely low. …”
it could be due to
women who do not have jobs, so they need money from their husbands
or
women who do not want to hurt their children with their divorce
or
other causes.
Martin Zwilling had said that “40% of the people who apply to singles site are already married”
The writer and journalist Lori Gottlieb (2006) noted about the growing number of Internet dating sites that are using the science of attraction to match singles: “their efforts mark the early days of a social experiment of unprecedented proportions, involving millions of couples and possibly extending over the course of generations”
Until now, the entire Online Dating Industry for serious daters in 1st World Countries had failed to:
– match prospective partners who will have more stable and satisfying relationships than couples matched by chance, astrological destiny, personal preferences, searching on one’s own, or other technique as the control group.
– reduce divorce rates to low percentages.
– kill all type of Offline Proposals/Chains.
Success rates of Chemistry, eHarmony, True, PerfectMatch, PlentyOfFish Chemistry Predictor, Meetic, Parship, Be2 and others like them, are less than 10% each. The majority of their members are not going to achieve a long term relationship with commitment (or marriage) thanks to those sites.
I had applied reverse engineering and discovered that all the algorithms used by them are in the range of 3 or 4 persons as highly compatible per 1,000 persons screened, the same range any person can achieve by searching on one’s own or mutual filtering methods (recommendation engines).
The Online Dating Industry should change and improve the World.
But to change and improve the World, you need to change the Society.
The basis of Society is, of course, the Family.
The basis of the Family is the division of labour between husband and wife.
The upbringing of children is the most important function of any Family.
The Online Dating Industry needs better matching algorithms, to match prospective partners who will reach marriage, build better families, and who will never need to cheat or get the divorce.
Regards,
Fernando Ardenghi.
Buenos Aires.
Argentina.
ardenghifer@gmail.com
I strongly agree with Dr. Carole Lieberman who says “in the long run, infidelity causes more marriages to break apart than stay together.”
When Mr. Biderman says: “If you look at the culture in France, or in Japan, infidelity rates are extremely high there, yet divorce rates are extremely low. …”
it could be due to
women who do not have jobs, so they need money from their husbands
or
women who do not want to hurt their children with their divorce
or
other causes.
Martin Zwilling had said that “40% of the people who apply to singles site are already married”
The writer and journalist Lori Gottlieb (2006) noted about the growing number of Internet dating sites that are using the science of attraction to match singles: “their efforts mark the early days of a social experiment of unprecedented proportions, involving millions of couples and possibly extending over the course of generations”
Until now, the entire Online Dating Industry for serious daters in 1st World Countries had failed to:
– match prospective partners who will have more stable and satisfying relationships than couples matched by chance, astrological destiny, personal preferences, searching on one’s own, or other technique as the control group.
– reduce divorce rates to low percentages.
– kill all type of Offline Proposals/Chains.
Success rates of Chemistry, eHarmony, True, PerfectMatch, PlentyOfFish Chemistry Predictor, Meetic, Parship, Be2 and others like them, are less than 10% each. The majority of their members are not going to achieve a long term relationship with commitment (or marriage) thanks to those sites.
I had applied reverse engineering and discovered that all the algorithms used by them are in the range of 3 or 4 persons as highly compatible per 1,000 persons screened, the same range any person can achieve by searching on one’s own or mutual filtering methods (recommendation engines).
The Online Dating Industry should change and improve the World.
But to change and improve the World, you need to change the Society.
The basis of Society is, of course, the Family.
The basis of the Family is the division of labour between husband and wife.
The upbringing of children is the most important function of any Family.
The Online Dating Industry needs better matching algorithms, to match prospective partners who will reach marriage, build better families, and who will never need to cheat or get the divorce.
Regards,
Fernando Ardenghi.
Buenos Aires.
Argentina.
ardenghifer@gmail.com
Although I am a romantic at heart, I do agree that there is a significant part of the population who find it difficult to be happy in a committed, long-term relationship with only one partner.
Sites like Ashley Madison wouldn’t be so popular otherwise, nor would standard dating sites where people simply lie about their marital status.
I think it would be wrong of us dating industry professionals to assume that everyone in the world is looking for a relationship that conforms to traditional family values. More and more people are now choosing not to have children, for example, so the concept of the family cell is irrelevant to them.
If we assume the reason behind some people’s refusal to settle down
with a single partner is down to them not having found the right person, I think we would be somewhat naive. It reminds me of that old chat up line men use when trying to chat up lesbians, telling them they just haven’t found the right man yet. We as an industry must accept the fact not all desires are universal.
But while I don’t have a problem with the concept of having consensual open relationships to address the need for multiple partners, I do have a problem with infidelity of the sort that is encouraged on sites such as Ashley Madison. Infidelity by its very nature hurts people. It is the scourge, though a direct by-product of a society that enforces traditional family values as an ideal and imposes guilt and shame on those whose own needs don’t fit the bill. It’s hypocrisy at its ugliest, driven by people’s inability to be honest with each other and also with themselves about their own needs.
I’m sure the publication of this book will provide nice publicity for the site, while making those who use it feel better about themselves. However, profiteering from infidelity always seemed wrong to me. Although I promote a whole range of dating sites on my site via affiliate links, I chose not to profit from Ashley Madison myself.
I did, however, place a link to the site in my blog, as I would rather cheaters went to a dedicated cheater site, rather than end up pretending they are single in order to pollute standard dating sites.
Although I am a romantic at heart, I do agree that there is a significant part of the population who find it difficult to be happy in a committed, long-term relationship with only one partner.
Sites like Ashley Madison wouldn’t be so popular otherwise, nor would standard dating sites where people simply lie about their marital status.
I think it would be wrong of us dating industry professionals to assume that everyone in the world is looking for a relationship that conforms to traditional family values. More and more people are now choosing not to have children, for example, so the concept of the family cell is irrelevant to them.
If we assume the reason behind some people’s refusal to settle down
with a single partner is down to them not having found the right person, I think we would be somewhat naive. It reminds me of that old chat up line men use when trying to chat up lesbians, telling them they just haven’t found the right man yet. We as an industry must accept the fact not all desires are universal.
But while I don’t have a problem with the concept of having consensual open relationships to address the need for multiple partners, I do have a problem with infidelity of the sort that is encouraged on sites such as Ashley Madison. Infidelity by its very nature hurts people. It is the scourge, though a direct by-product of a society that enforces traditional family values as an ideal and imposes guilt and shame on those whose own needs don’t fit the bill. It’s hypocrisy at its ugliest, driven by people’s inability to be honest with each other and also with themselves about their own needs.
I’m sure the publication of this book will provide nice publicity for the site, while making those who use it feel better about themselves. However, profiteering from infidelity always seemed wrong to me. Although I promote a whole range of dating sites on my site via affiliate links, I chose not to profit from Ashley Madison myself.
I did, however, place a link to the site in my blog, as I would rather cheaters went to a dedicated cheater site, rather than end up pretending they are single in order to pollute standard dating sites.
Ashley Madison could be a great exit traffic option for serious dating sites.
Late night cable, commercial break, man categorized as looking for a BBD (bigger, better, deal) on the screen: “I can’t wait to get married and then cheat on her, thanks Ashley Madison!”
Sigh.
Ashley Madison could be a great exit traffic option for serious dating sites.
Late night cable, commercial break, man categorized as looking for a BBD (bigger, better, deal) on the screen: “I can’t wait to get married and then cheat on her, thanks Ashley Madison!”
Sigh.