THE PITTSBURGH CHANNEL – Mar 6 - Psychologist Paul Friday pointed to a recent survey that showed between 30 and 60% of couples experience infidelity during their marriage. Friday said he doesn't believe the media obsession with celebrity indiscretions has increased the likelihood. "You don't cheat because you have societal permission. You cheat because you have drives and you feel you are not being appreciated," said Friday. Noel Biderman founded AshleyMadison.com, an Internet dating site for cheaters with 5.2M members. "I can assure you that number is much higher than 60%," said Biderman.
The full article was originally published at The Pittsburgh Channel, but is no longer available.
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without sounding negative, i think the media giving attention to relationships in this way is part of the problem. what is the problem, you say? there is no definitive proof we are ‘programmed’ to be ‘non-monogamous’. i thought we were more evolved than thinking we are doomed to cheat.
what are we teaching our children? and, noel biederman? he even says if he found out his wife were cheating he’d be ‘devastated’. how does he reconcile that with his day job?
it’s time for those of us with a heart (and smarts) to stand up and say enough! the costs (across the board) of infidelity, non-monogamy, unhappy relationships, divorce, etc. is unbelievable.
when will we as a culture evolve to ‘rediscover’ the value of monogamy??? 😉
perhaps gay marriage will save marriage!!!
without sounding negative, i think the media giving attention to relationships in this way is part of the problem. what is the problem, you say? there is no definitive proof we are ‘programmed’ to be ‘non-monogamous’. i thought we were more evolved than thinking we are doomed to cheat.
what are we teaching our children? and, noel biederman? he even says if he found out his wife were cheating he’d be ‘devastated’. how does he reconcile that with his day job?
it’s time for those of us with a heart (and smarts) to stand up and say enough! the costs (across the board) of infidelity, non-monogamy, unhappy relationships, divorce, etc. is unbelievable.
when will we as a culture evolve to ‘rediscover’ the value of monogamy??? 😉
perhaps gay marriage will save marriage!!!
Barb,
Excellent comments. I agree with you on the issue of monogamy.
Nothing personal, but I have to take issue with your last statement, about gay marriage perhaps saving marriage. Maybe this is an issue of semantics, but gay marriage (at least with gay men) is not defined as the same thing as monogamy – in practice. That kind of lifestyle will hardly save anything, let alone the concept of marriage.
Of course, it is no surprise that I don’t believe in gay marriage, but that shouldn’t invalidate my point (assuming I have an intellectually honest audience – not a guaranteed assumption all of the time, to be sure).
I am happy we see eye-to-eye on your larger point, though:)
Sam
Barb,
Excellent comments. I agree with you on the issue of monogamy.
Nothing personal, but I have to take issue with your last statement, about gay marriage perhaps saving marriage. Maybe this is an issue of semantics, but gay marriage (at least with gay men) is not defined as the same thing as monogamy – in practice. That kind of lifestyle will hardly save anything, let alone the concept of marriage.
Of course, it is no surprise that I don’t believe in gay marriage, but that shouldn’t invalidate my point (assuming I have an intellectually honest audience – not a guaranteed assumption all of the time, to be sure).
I am happy we see eye-to-eye on your larger point, though:)
Sam
It is my IMPRESSION that the point she may have been trying to make concerned more along the lines of … folks making the claim that marriage is sacred while decrying the “right” to gay marriage. The consternation that arises with the topic of gay marriage seems to bring out the ‘holier than thou” in persons claiming the value of marriage and monogamy to the opposite sex.
On the other hand, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they won’t (or haven’t already) cheat while proclaiming this “fact of nature”. (No, I know not everyone believes in this so I put it in quotes to be fair). People, in general, do know right from wrong, however, it seems to be more of a “do as I say, not as I do” valuation. Maybe the allowance of gay marriage will make those folks toe the line like they should in the first place.
I seem to see, or maybe I just notice it more nowadays with the onslaught of the media’s coverage of celebrities, that it seems to be used as more of an excuse for the average person to cheat, as though it’s human nature. Human nature seems to be something to blame as opposed to “overcome”. “So and so celebrity does it, so I can, too.” So much for that with the additional coverage of allegations of Catholic priests illicit affairs.
My mother used to say, “If so and so jumped off a bridge… do you think it’s smart to do the same?” and “Do you REALLY want to take the chance of getting something that Mr. Clean cannot get off?”
I cannot really blame AshleyMadison.com for taking advantage of the weak. Joe Francis took care of business with GGW. It would be a sad thing for many relationships if anyone ever hacked into those accounts with the same fervor bank accounts were hacked.
It is my IMPRESSION that the point she may have been trying to make concerned more along the lines of … folks making the claim that marriage is sacred while decrying the “right” to gay marriage. The consternation that arises with the topic of gay marriage seems to bring out the ‘holier than thou” in persons claiming the value of marriage and monogamy to the opposite sex.
On the other hand, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they won’t (or haven’t already) cheat while proclaiming this “fact of nature”. (No, I know not everyone believes in this so I put it in quotes to be fair). People, in general, do know right from wrong, however, it seems to be more of a “do as I say, not as I do” valuation. Maybe the allowance of gay marriage will make those folks toe the line like they should in the first place.
I seem to see, or maybe I just notice it more nowadays with the onslaught of the media’s coverage of celebrities, that it seems to be used as more of an excuse for the average person to cheat, as though it’s human nature. Human nature seems to be something to blame as opposed to “overcome”. “So and so celebrity does it, so I can, too.” So much for that with the additional coverage of allegations of Catholic priests illicit affairs.
My mother used to say, “If so and so jumped off a bridge… do you think it’s smart to do the same?” and “Do you REALLY want to take the chance of getting something that Mr. Clean cannot get off?”
I cannot really blame AshleyMadison.com for taking advantage of the weak. Joe Francis took care of business with GGW. It would be a sad thing for many relationships if anyone ever hacked into those accounts with the same fervor bank accounts were hacked.
While things are a lot more out in the open these days, I certainly don’t think this is anything new or that this suggests an increasing trend in cheating behaviour. While we may not like it, and many choose to deny it, scientific studies done worldwide have confirmed that cheating is ubiquitous across all cultures and is fairly constant, with on average around 2 out of 10 births being the result of an affair. It’s also a well known fact that conception is much more likely when a couple are cheating, the argument being that cheating is probably an evolved behaviour that’s been around for generations. Ashley Madison and the other dating sites of this type are simply exploiting this aspect of human behaviour. The internet may have made things easier for those considering infidelity, but I don’t believe it’s led to the kind of dramatic increases in cheating that many people are recently claiming. In other words, there’s nothing new under the sun.
While things are a lot more out in the open these days, I certainly don’t think this is anything new or that this suggests an increasing trend in cheating behaviour. While we may not like it, and many choose to deny it, scientific studies done worldwide have confirmed that cheating is ubiquitous across all cultures and is fairly constant, with on average around 2 out of 10 births being the result of an affair. It’s also a well known fact that conception is much more likely when a couple are cheating, the argument being that cheating is probably an evolved behaviour that’s been around for generations. Ashley Madison and the other dating sites of this type are simply exploiting this aspect of human behaviour. The internet may have made things easier for those considering infidelity, but I don’t believe it’s led to the kind of dramatic increases in cheating that many people are recently claiming. In other words, there’s nothing new under the sun.
Well, my comment about gay marriage saving marriage was half tongue-in-cheek, half serious…
Also – it’s a stereotype that all gay male relationships are non-monogamous.
Whether or not cheating is more common today, I think that as we become ‘smarter’ as a culture and we start to view cheating as ‘hazardous to one’s health, wealth, wellness’ etc., it might curb some of the behavior. sort of like a ‘public health’ issue. then again, some of course will call that socialist!
There needs to be resources for those who’ve cheated and those cheated on…
Well, my comment about gay marriage saving marriage was half tongue-in-cheek, half serious…
Also – it’s a stereotype that all gay male relationships are non-monogamous.
Whether or not cheating is more common today, I think that as we become ‘smarter’ as a culture and we start to view cheating as ‘hazardous to one’s health, wealth, wellness’ etc., it might curb some of the behavior. sort of like a ‘public health’ issue. then again, some of course will call that socialist!
There needs to be resources for those who’ve cheated and those cheated on…
I think with the increasing access to affairs, infidelity definitely will keep rising. I do not plan on cheating, but just out curiosity alone I have visited Ashely Madison to see just how it works. Some peoples that never considered cheating, will take it a step further and some will cheat that never had intentions just because they can.
I think with the increasing access to affairs, infidelity definitely will keep rising. I do not plan on cheating, but just out curiosity alone I have visited Ashely Madison to see just how it works. Some peoples that never considered cheating, will take it a step further and some will cheat that never had intentions just because they can.