THE DAILY TARGUM – Apr 1 - Helen Fisher, a visiting research professor in
the Department of Anthropology, has found biological and psychological
reasons as to why people have a propensity to cheat. There are numerous
psychological reasons for adultery. Some people may want to supplement
a marriage, solve a sex problem, garner more attention, seek revenge or
have more excitement in the marriage. But based on Fisher’s research,
there also is a biological side to adultery. “We have two brain
systems: One of them is linked to attachment and romantic love, and
then there is the other brain system, which is purely sex
drive.” Sometimes these two brain systems are not well connected, which
enables people to become adulterers and satisfy their sex drive without
any regards to their attachment side. FULL ARTICLE @ THE DAILY TARGUM
There is one reason and one reason only why people cheat. They are selfish. They care about only themselves with no concern about who they hurt whether it be their spouse or their children. It is not biological, nor is it psychological. There is no excuse. And they are always deeply sorry . . . right after they get caught. Funny how that works.
If you are not happy in your marriage, fix it or get out. And in case you are wondering, no I have never been cheated on, but I have seen too many women and children with major trust issues because of a husband or father who cheated.
And the sites that target these people – one of these days the sites are going to be involved in a major extortion case. It’s the perfect target for blackmailers. I am just surprised it hasn’t happened yet . . . or maybe it has.
There is one reason and one reason only why people cheat. They are selfish. They care about only themselves with no concern about who they hurt whether it be their spouse or their children. It is not biological, nor is it psychological. There is no excuse. And they are always deeply sorry . . . right after they get caught. Funny how that works.
If you are not happy in your marriage, fix it or get out. And in case you are wondering, no I have never been cheated on, but I have seen too many women and children with major trust issues because of a husband or father who cheated.
And the sites that target these people – one of these days the sites are going to be involved in a major extortion case. It’s the perfect target for blackmailers. I am just surprised it hasn’t happened yet . . . or maybe it has.
Excellent points, Glenn.
There’s a 3rd brain system called “Morality” aka “Personal Responsibility”. Sometimes it isn’t connected to the 1st two systems.
What next? “New study reveals that Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, et al had a biological reason for butchering millions of innocents” ?
Evil is actually a brain system disconnect! Every wicked thought, word, or deed that you have isn’t your fault!
Excellent points, Glenn.
There’s a 3rd brain system called “Morality” aka “Personal Responsibility”. Sometimes it isn’t connected to the 1st two systems.
What next? “New study reveals that Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, et al had a biological reason for butchering millions of innocents” ?
Evil is actually a brain system disconnect! Every wicked thought, word, or deed that you have isn’t your fault!
this website:
http://humanpairbond.com/
says “Some individuals, a study by Hasse Walum, et al. suggests it might be approximately 4% of humans, carry an extra bit of DNA that may be coded to generate brain structures capable of establishing an exceptionally-enduring, neurobiologically-motivated preference for one specific individual, and some of us have experienced that preference.”
this website:
http://humanpairbond.com/
says “Some individuals, a study by Hasse Walum, et al. suggests it might be approximately 4% of humans, carry an extra bit of DNA that may be coded to generate brain structures capable of establishing an exceptionally-enduring, neurobiologically-motivated preference for one specific individual, and some of us have experienced that preference.”
Depending on one’s belief system, we may call cheating evil, selfish or the result of a missing DNA strand or other chemical in the brain. Ultimately we don’t know for sure ALL the factors (I’m a social worker – I ‘get it’ that it’s usually not either/or – nature or nature – and, I ‘get it’ that we all behave based on a multitude of biopsychosocial influences).
For example, we may cast cheating in the light of a ‘public health’ problem. That takes away the moral overtones and puts it where it rightly is: a problem that affects the health of our society.
I know some will disagree or even call me socialist for that belief, but I think it’s helpful. I liken cheating to other unhealthy addictions. Most other addictions have been researched and there seems to be biological reasons to them as well, but we don’t moralize about them. We term it an illness and/or public health problem.
Here’s a sociological hypothesis that some may say has moral undertones: I believe we are currently, what I call an ‘anti-commitment’ culture. TV is replete with infidelity and so is the internet. And, since no-fault divorce became the law, marriage has become too easy to ‘throw away’ or ‘trash’.
It’s only cheating of course, if it’s done surreptitiously. Those who agree on an open relationship, that’s not cheating. I don’t understand open relationships and I need fidelity in my relationship, but who am I to judge another person’s wants or preferences.
The bottom line is that it’s ‘judgmental’ to think we fully understand what motivates each cheater. And I am someone who HAS been cheated on! I’m not perfect either: I’ve been tempted but never acted on it, but then again, I’ve never had a really tempting opportunity waved in my face (like, say a Tiger Woods did)! 😉
Depending on one’s belief system, we may call cheating evil, selfish or the result of a missing DNA strand or other chemical in the brain. Ultimately we don’t know for sure ALL the factors (I’m a social worker – I ‘get it’ that it’s usually not either/or – nature or nature – and, I ‘get it’ that we all behave based on a multitude of biopsychosocial influences).
For example, we may cast cheating in the light of a ‘public health’ problem. That takes away the moral overtones and puts it where it rightly is: a problem that affects the health of our society.
I know some will disagree or even call me socialist for that belief, but I think it’s helpful. I liken cheating to other unhealthy addictions. Most other addictions have been researched and there seems to be biological reasons to them as well, but we don’t moralize about them. We term it an illness and/or public health problem.
Here’s a sociological hypothesis that some may say has moral undertones: I believe we are currently, what I call an ‘anti-commitment’ culture. TV is replete with infidelity and so is the internet. And, since no-fault divorce became the law, marriage has become too easy to ‘throw away’ or ‘trash’.
It’s only cheating of course, if it’s done surreptitiously. Those who agree on an open relationship, that’s not cheating. I don’t understand open relationships and I need fidelity in my relationship, but who am I to judge another person’s wants or preferences.
The bottom line is that it’s ‘judgmental’ to think we fully understand what motivates each cheater. And I am someone who HAS been cheated on! I’m not perfect either: I’ve been tempted but never acted on it, but then again, I’ve never had a really tempting opportunity waved in my face (like, say a Tiger Woods did)! 😉
Interesting Fernando. I will check out the web site. If true, it’s depressing that the number is that low! 😉
Does his study look at socio-economics and it’s impact on cheating too? Probably not…. 😉
Interesting Fernando. I will check out the web site. If true, it’s depressing that the number is that low! 😉
Does his study look at socio-economics and it’s impact on cheating too? Probably not…. 😉
I heard 5% of marriages last 50 years.
Ultimately, there’s a lot of people in unhappy marriages. What people really need is a better understanding of how to nurture a loving relationship, and keep it sexy. There’s a yearning for this kind of information which is why the love, sex and relationships book departments are crammed to overflowing.
In short, I believe, the secret to a happy relationship, and a happy life overall is in helping other people be happy. The most deeply satisfying moments I’ve ever had have been in playing some part in someone elses happiness. Case in point, I was drawn to the idating business after feeling absolutely elated at being responsible for the introduction of a couple who got married in 1999. They invited me to their wedding.
I heard 5% of marriages last 50 years.
Ultimately, there’s a lot of people in unhappy marriages. What people really need is a better understanding of how to nurture a loving relationship, and keep it sexy. There’s a yearning for this kind of information which is why the love, sex and relationships book departments are crammed to overflowing.
In short, I believe, the secret to a happy relationship, and a happy life overall is in helping other people be happy. The most deeply satisfying moments I’ve ever had have been in playing some part in someone elses happiness. Case in point, I was drawn to the idating business after feeling absolutely elated at being responsible for the introduction of a couple who got married in 1999. They invited me to their wedding.
Now that I think about it, I was even more elated when several more couples got married after meeting via the adventure club that I ran, and they started making babies.
That’s a great feeling. Sometimes you’ve got to step back from your internet dating marketing jobs and consider the tremendous impact you’re having on people’s lives. This isn’t ‘just’ marketing. There’s a great societal impact in what we do.
Bringing this back on-topic, of course adultery has roots in psychology.
Personally, I’ve ‘cheated’ once, with a not-so-serious girlfriend ten years ago, and been cheated on twice, that I know of. Sometimes people will be happier getting something of what they need from one relationship, and other things from other relationships. I just think people should be open and honest with each other. Am I really being that myopic in that notion?
Here’s another notion. ‘Adultery’ is often the pre-cursor to the end of a relationship. But does it really have to be?
Couples should talk to each other more before they make the jump to cheating. I personally believe the root of the evil that is in adultery, and the reason for the destruction of families is the lying, rather than the philandering.
Now that I think about it, I was even more elated when several more couples got married after meeting via the adventure club that I ran, and they started making babies.
That’s a great feeling. Sometimes you’ve got to step back from your internet dating marketing jobs and consider the tremendous impact you’re having on people’s lives. This isn’t ‘just’ marketing. There’s a great societal impact in what we do.
Bringing this back on-topic, of course adultery has roots in psychology.
Personally, I’ve ‘cheated’ once, with a not-so-serious girlfriend ten years ago, and been cheated on twice, that I know of. Sometimes people will be happier getting something of what they need from one relationship, and other things from other relationships. I just think people should be open and honest with each other. Am I really being that myopic in that notion?
Here’s another notion. ‘Adultery’ is often the pre-cursor to the end of a relationship. But does it really have to be?
Couples should talk to each other more before they make the jump to cheating. I personally believe the root of the evil that is in adultery, and the reason for the destruction of families is the lying, rather than the philandering.
Mark, the reason so few marriages reach the 50 year mark is a lifespan issue, not a divorce one.
As for satisfaction, I can relate. Knowing that so many couples have connected because of what we do at ChristianCafe.com is immensely satisfying 🙂
When I am on my death bed (many many years from now, Lord willing), I will look back at the positive things my staff and I brought to so many lives.
Those in the adultery business won’t have that luxury. Instead, they can look back at lives they helped destroy, kids with major life issues, and a society worse for it.
What a legacy contrast.
Mark, the reason so few marriages reach the 50 year mark is a lifespan issue, not a divorce one.
As for satisfaction, I can relate. Knowing that so many couples have connected because of what we do at ChristianCafe.com is immensely satisfying 🙂
When I am on my death bed (many many years from now, Lord willing), I will look back at the positive things my staff and I brought to so many lives.
Those in the adultery business won’t have that luxury. Instead, they can look back at lives they helped destroy, kids with major life issues, and a society worse for it.
What a legacy contrast.
Love the discussion guys! Speaking of which, where are the other female readers? I wish they’d speak up. HA! If only 5% of marriages last 50 years (guess what? my parents have been together now 52), and only 4% have a gene for lifetime pair bonding, what does that say?
I agree the 50 years thing is a lifespan issue most of the time. In addition, now with the divorce rate so high, many of us are a bit older in subsequent marriages, not giving us enough time to rack up years.
Perhaps the point here is not to focus on all of the statistics and research studies and instead work one-by-one to help individual couples and singles. No one person fits an ‘average’ anyway.
In today’s fast-paced, immediate gratification world getting in and out of relationships is easier than ever. I can’t help every couple make it (even though I definitely try) and, I can only do so much to convince a single person to be sure their core relationship requirements can be met in a new relationship before becoming committed.
I can also help individuals get over a lost relationship and feel confident being alone, if/when that happens.
I agree with sam – on my death bed I will know I contributed to the solution, not the problem!
Love the discussion guys! Speaking of which, where are the other female readers? I wish they’d speak up. HA! If only 5% of marriages last 50 years (guess what? my parents have been together now 52), and only 4% have a gene for lifetime pair bonding, what does that say?
I agree the 50 years thing is a lifespan issue most of the time. In addition, now with the divorce rate so high, many of us are a bit older in subsequent marriages, not giving us enough time to rack up years.
Perhaps the point here is not to focus on all of the statistics and research studies and instead work one-by-one to help individual couples and singles. No one person fits an ‘average’ anyway.
In today’s fast-paced, immediate gratification world getting in and out of relationships is easier than ever. I can’t help every couple make it (even though I definitely try) and, I can only do so much to convince a single person to be sure their core relationship requirements can be met in a new relationship before becoming committed.
I can also help individuals get over a lost relationship and feel confident being alone, if/when that happens.
I agree with sam – on my death bed I will know I contributed to the solution, not the problem!