OPW – Sep 7 – Evan Marc Katz used to work for JDate. Then he became a dating coach. He spoke at TEDx about Internet dating. Here’s the key points, but I encourage you to watch his video.
- Part of the problem is, we’re an instant gratification society. We don’t want to put the work in.
- Guys are terrible at online dating. They’re trying to get attention from a limited pool of women, and we’re not really enabling them.
- Guys become more convinced that ‘Speed + Volume’ is the answer. But they’re wrong.
- Evan’s answer: Slow down. Spend a bit more time online.
- Men in general want speed. Women in general want comfort.
- In real life the connection follows the date. Not the other way around. Right now guys (and Internet dating) have got it reversed. We want the date and then we want the connection.
- We should try and make online dating feel like the real world, because the real world feels good. How to do this…
- Evan says we should encourage our users to follow the 2/2/2 rule: Encourage users to have 2 emails on the site, 2 emails off the site, 2 phone conversations. Set an appointment for the phone call. Thats the coffee date. Then a first date, in about a week. This balances the need for guys to move fast, and women to feel comfortable. (Encourage users to not get caught in SMS. It doesn’t help the formation of a relationship)
- Good conversation is about writing paragraphs and being inquisitive and observational. Like being at a party.
Wise words. What’s your thoughts. Please comment. I’ll ask Evan to reply to your questions.
Post by Mark Brooks @
This is perfect world examples. Unfortunately guys will not slow down, as a dating coach who teaches other dating coaches i can sum it up simply, awareness about dating is one of the slowest elements we gain. While in theory Evan’s idea is correct, unfortunately in a world where most people want instant gratification, it doesn’t work. Women do want comfort, but they also want options. Online dating is addicting exactly because of amount of options men and women get when choosing their mates. His suggestions will never work because it takes too much effort. As humans we always look to spend least amount of effort. When we have choice between standing and leaning, we will always choose leaning. When we have choice between leaning and sitting ,we will chose sitting. And when we have choice between sitting and laying ,we will chose laying. We subconsciously looking to converse energy, and online dating does just that. But not to single out Evan, most people don’t want dating coach precisely because it requires effort. Vast majority of people don’t realize that dating coach can change their overall happiness.
This is perfect world examples. Unfortunately guys will not slow down, as a dating coach who teaches other dating coaches i can sum it up simply, awareness about dating is one of the slowest elements we gain. While in theory Evan’s idea is correct, unfortunately in a world where most people want instant gratification, it doesn’t work. Women do want comfort, but they also want options. Online dating is addicting exactly because of amount of options men and women get when choosing their mates. His suggestions will never work because it takes too much effort. As humans we always look to spend least amount of effort. When we have choice between standing and leaning, we will always choose leaning. When we have choice between leaning and sitting ,we will chose sitting. And when we have choice between sitting and laying ,we will chose laying. We subconsciously looking to converse energy, and online dating does just that. But not to single out Evan, most people don’t want dating coach precisely because it requires effort. Vast majority of people don’t realize that dating coach can change their overall happiness.
Arthur,
You’re correct in suggesting that people take the easy path – the path of least resistance. But my advice is not to tell people what they already know (Be lazy! Write crappy profiles! Tell her she’s hot! Text her!) My advice is about optimizing and differentiating. You’re suggesting that because people like steak and ice cream that no one will be amenable to vegetables…and that’s simply not true.
My advice – taking a week to screen before a date – works for people who choose to use it. For those who don’t because it’s too hard, well, let’s just they have no right to complain that online dating sucks. No more than steak/ice cream eaters have the right to complain about their arteries.
Arthur,
You’re correct in suggesting that people take the easy path – the path of least resistance. But my advice is not to tell people what they already know (Be lazy! Write crappy profiles! Tell her she’s hot! Text her!) My advice is about optimizing and differentiating. You’re suggesting that because people like steak and ice cream that no one will be amenable to vegetables…and that’s simply not true.
My advice – taking a week to screen before a date – works for people who choose to use it. For those who don’t because it’s too hard, well, let’s just they have no right to complain that online dating sucks. No more than steak/ice cream eaters have the right to complain about their arteries.
As coaches we have to prepare people that it will require work. Not unlike someone going to gym. I think we have to emphasize that “it wont be instant”. Right now dating coaches are underdogs in dating industry, precisely because we have to be a must have, rather then “last resort” solution which we are right now. The attitude of people have to change, and we are just a few of the elements that can change it. I am hoping media, tv shows will grasp the idea that it requires work, and dating shows will come out and show people that sometimes best dating solution is not just following the path of least resistance.
I am with you on it, i wish people would grasp that dating abilities is ncesseary part of education as an adult. But we find from our IDCA members that one of the hardest part of being dating coach at the moment, is educating people on why they need dating coach. Right now for the vast majority of population, there are no vegetables, and all they want is their steak and ice cream. “I want my cake and eat it too!” seems to be the slogan. For every person who is using dating coach services now, there are room for 100 people to do that.
You are on right track of spreading the word, that it requires concentration and effort. Keep spreading it, since at IDCA thats all we do, spreading the word, why dating coaching is integral part for everyone who is single. Once enough people grasp it, then we got ourselves an industry.
As coaches we have to prepare people that it will require work. Not unlike someone going to gym. I think we have to emphasize that “it wont be instant”. Right now dating coaches are underdogs in dating industry, precisely because we have to be a must have, rather then “last resort” solution which we are right now. The attitude of people have to change, and we are just a few of the elements that can change it. I am hoping media, tv shows will grasp the idea that it requires work, and dating shows will come out and show people that sometimes best dating solution is not just following the path of least resistance.
I am with you on it, i wish people would grasp that dating abilities is ncesseary part of education as an adult. But we find from our IDCA members that one of the hardest part of being dating coach at the moment, is educating people on why they need dating coach. Right now for the vast majority of population, there are no vegetables, and all they want is their steak and ice cream. “I want my cake and eat it too!” seems to be the slogan. For every person who is using dating coach services now, there are room for 100 people to do that.
You are on right track of spreading the word, that it requires concentration and effort. Keep spreading it, since at IDCA thats all we do, spreading the word, why dating coaching is integral part for everyone who is single. Once enough people grasp it, then we got ourselves an industry.