NY POST — Sep 27 — “The guys that women meet on dating sites, at least 50 percent of the time they are lying,” says New York private investigator Skipp Porteous. Sherlock Investigations offers a comprehensive check for $500. Intelius just started a major scare-tactic ad campaign which includes one TV commercial where a woman is blissfully unaware she is about to go on a date with a violent sex offender. If only she knew, the ad seems to say, she could buy a $50 criminal background check online. Dating guru Liz H. Kelly, author of Smart Man Hunting, advises using a secondary e-mail address, never giving out more than a cellphone number and always meeting in a public place. When Truedater users were polled recently, the #1 gripe cited about online daters was with lying about physical appearance, #2 was marital status and #3 was age.
The full article was originally published at NY Post, but is no longer available.
While I am not a great fan of the New York Post and the rather
edgy (nasty?) tone of this article, it’s another slant on the whole topic of lying that generated such great comments yesterday to Mark’s post “It’s NOT OK to Lie in Your Profile” http://onlinepersonalswatch.typepad.com/news/2006/09/users_its_not_o.html
I predicted more of what the Post article describes for Yahoo! Personals “What’s ahead for romance and relationships in 2006?” that has been posted since late last year. Here’s what I wrote:
“We are going to see a real trend making it standard that online daters officially establish their identity on the Internet while also keeping anonymity,” says Kathryn Lord. “We are already seeing sites pop up that appeal to the fears of singles (like one which does criminal background checks and prohibits married people from signing up) and another, where people can report positively or negatively, about the accuracy of a date’s online presentation. Sites are also appearing that help you verify your own identity for others to see. Soon it will become as odd to see a profile without a verified identity as it now is to see a profile without a photo.” http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/dating-advice_romance-predictions-06
In line with our concerns about lying, it’s good to keep in mind that the Internet is just a big collection of people sitting and typing away on their computers. We all have a part of the whole, and if we want to have a safe, honest tool that we can depend on, we all have to do our part to make it that way. Every lie we tell or distortion we allow or encourage or let slip by adds to the unsafety of the whole process. Be truthful and up front and encourage others to do the same. Know that others may find out what you wish could stay hidden, and be prepared to tell your secrets yourself, rather than have someone important find out on their own.
I wrote my book “Find a Sweetheart Soon!” (http://www.yourlovetripplanner.com/) for singles who I observed undermining themselves in their efforts to find love. Chapter 13 deals face on with “How do I tell him about …?” and “What needs to be told?” Just as I advocate proactive dating, I also advocate proactive honesty. The parts of your life which you may not be proud of are as much a part of you as your height and age. You need to come to terms with it all to be able to explain it to another. Or you will hover on the sidelines.
Kathryn Lord
Your Romance Coach